Inconvenience of Imprinting
by Dignified Madman
Summary: Jacob has finally imprinting. It is not on someone he would have expected. He calls Bella to tell her about the imprinting mishap. Bella doesn't react well to the knews. Slash! UST! Oneshot! Crack pairing!


**Title:** Inconvenience of Imprinting  
**Fandom:** Twilight  
**Author:** Dignified Madman  
**Pairing:** ????  
**Rating:** Teen  
**Word count: **1527  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own these characters. They are the property of Stephenie Myers.  
**A/N:** I like the musical My Fair Lady, so I decided to get Jacob to quote _The Rain in Spain_. It's a good song. It has nothing to do with the plot, but it's fun to say. Also, I'd prefer not to disclose the pairing because the plot would blow up. If you are impatient, I will put the pairing at the bottom. It's slashy.

Since I've been getting loads of flames on this story, I've decided to say that if you don't like crack and slash (male/male) then you probably won't enjoy this fic. It's pretty much as far away from canon as you can get. If you want to read something canon, I suggest you read Night of the Living Dead instead. It's kinda iffy now since I wrote it before Eclipsen came out, but it still works. I don't find it as good as this one, but hey if you perfer canon over crack, that's the one you should read.  
On the other hand, if you are open to crack and slash then you will probably love this fic. I know that I do :)!

* * *

"Hold on for a second," Bella said as she pulled away from me. 

I watched her move over to the ringing telephone; much to my surprise, she only tripped once.

"Hello?" she said pausing for the response.

"Hey Bella," I could hear Jacob say. He had a sense of urgency in his voice.

"Hey Jake, is everything alright?"

"Is the bloodsucker there?" I tensed slightly at the derogatory term.

"_Edward_ is here, yes."

"Oh …" he seemed to be contemplating something, "I kinda wanted to talk to you in private."

Bella looked over in my direction. She looked as if she was contemplating something. "Do you want to come over?"

"I don't want him in my head." His voice seemed scared. I wondered what he was thinking.

Bella's face looked torn. I could tell she didn't want to choose between us, but she had to.

"I'll go Bella," I said with a shrug. "I need to discuss some things with Jasper anyway."

"Edward, you don't have to go," she said her voice pleading me to stay, but at the same time to leave.

"Bella, what's going on?"

"It's no problem. I'll stay with you until he gets here, then I'll leave."

"Oh, thank you Edward. I don't think we'll be too long." She put the phone back to her ear, "Jake? You can come over. Edward won't be here."

"Thanks Bella. I'll see you in five minutes."

"Bye." She hung up the phone. Her face still scrunched in confusion.

I put my arms around her waist, holding her tight. "What's wrong?"

"It's Jake. He sounded really worried about something." She rested her head against my shoulder, releasing her sent even more. I inhaled deeply.

_I hope he's not there …,_ I could hear Jacob's thoughts. _I hope he's not there …_ He continued to repeat that phrase over, and over in his head. There was obviously something he didn't want me to know.

"He's here," I breathed into her hair. "I'd better go."

She looked at me with her bright eyes. She gave me an intense look. It told me she didn't want me to go.

I quickly let go her, and gave her a kiss before I crossed the room and leaned on the kitchen wall. "Answer the door Bella. I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

Before she could react, I let myself out of her house. I could hear Jacobs repeated thought as I left her property, and wandered through the forest.

---

Although I promised to return in fifteen minutes, I delayed my return for another five to give him enough time to leave.

As I approached the house, a stream of thoughts penetrated my mind:

_She's never going to talk to me again. How could this happen? "I just need five minutes" Bella, what are you doing up there. I hate being a werewolf. Imprinting is so stupid. I can't even stand him. How could this happen…_

I had misinterpreted, Jacob was still there. I almost felt guilty listening to his thoughts, but I _had_ given them twenty minutes.

I climbed through Bella's open window, to find her with her face pressed into her pillow. Her body was shaking and her breathing was irregular. She was crying.

I gently wrapped my arms around her, she smelled like dog, but I couldn't let that come between me comforting her.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I whispered in her ear.

She didn't even seem shocked that I was there. "Go ask Jacob! I'm sure he'd _love _to tell you."

Her voice shocked me. It was hurt, and full of anger. My eyes narrowed, what had the dog done to her.

"I'll be back, Bella." I strained to keep my voice calm.

I stood up and swiftly ran down the stairs, facing Jacob.

_Oh shit! It's him. Ok, keep calm. The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain. The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain…_

"What did you do to her," I glared at him through my narrowed eyes.

_Damn this imprinting …_ His face took on a flustered look. "I didn't do anything to her."

I stared at him, concentrating on his thoughts.

_Stupid mindreading leech. The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain. That light makes him look really - Shit! The rain in Spain falls …_

I looked at him shocked.

_He knows. Damnit! He knows! The rain is Spain falls mainly in the plain. I'm having trouble controlling my thoughts. Say something you parasite!_

"What did you say to Bella?"

"_Bella, I think I've imprinted…"_

"_Oh? That's nice. Who's the girl? I hope she's older than five."_

"_Well … I've imprinted on someone over five … way over five. And … it's not a girl." _

"_What?! I thought you could only imprint on someone of the opposite sex."_

"_Me too…"_

"_Who is it?"_

"… _your bloodsucker…"_

"_What?! Are you telling me that you two are a perfect match, yet you can't even be in the same room together?"_

"_Do you think I want this?!"_

"_How could you do this to me?"_

"_I didn't do anything. It's these god damn wolf hormones!"_

"_I just need five minutes…" _

I let out a musical laugh. The dog had imprinted on me. My stomach dropped; the _dog_ had imprinted on _me_. From my werewolf knowledge, imprinting was permanent. Why wouldn't it be, the genetics imprint on the wolf's soul mate. No wonder Bella was upset.

No, this must be a mistake. There is no way we can be imprinted. I love Bella, only Bella. She's the only one for me.

"Get out," I commanded.

"Gladly," he snorted.

We glared at each other, waiting for the other to make a move.

_That Cullen is over again. I wish Bella would get over him. He's no good for her._

Charlie's thoughts had stolen my concentration away before I had time react: Jacobs lips were pressed against mine. I wanted to push him back, but something within me wanted to stay.

_My nose is burning from the smell. But Bella's right, it_ is _better kissing the leech._

I was still frozen in place; my brain still fighting with itself. I couldn't seem to pull away, even though I wanted to. I needed to do something. Anything.

I could hear Charlie coming in through the front door.

_Oh shit,_ Jacob could obviously hear as well. _We've got to move. Kitchen._

Jacob began pushing me towards the kitchen, his lips never leaving mine.

_There's a game on tonight. I wonder if Billy wants to watch it. I should call him. I'll get changed first. Bella and Cullen better not be in her room…_

I relaxed in Jacobs arms; Charlie wasn't going to enter the kitchen.

_I hope Charlie doesn't come in here. He'll never speak to me again. But this is worth it…_

Jacob's thoughts brought me back to the surreal reality. I was kissing a _werewolf_, a _male _werewolf.

I lifted my hands up to push him away; hopefully smash him into the wall. But something deep within my brain was working against me. Instead of pushing the dog away, I ran my fingers through his hair.

_That's right Edward. I knew you couldn't resist. Holy shit! I can't believe I'm thinking this. What am I thinking? I need to get away from him. This is messed up. Werewolves and bloodsuckers don't – but why can't I stop? _

He ran his hot hands down my back. I did nothing to stop him. His hand ran the length of my body; feeling my granite skin beneath my clothes.

_This isn't so bad after all. _

I traced my fingers along his thick muscular frame.

_I wonder if I could get my tongue into his mouth. It's worth a try._

I opened my mouth in response to his thoughts. He hesitated for a moment before remembering that I could read his mind.

_You know, your mind reading does come in handy._

I couldn't control my lips as they curled slightly in a smug smile.

His tongue slid into my mouth. He explored my mouth hungrily. There was a sense of rough urgency in his movements. I had never experienced this with Bella before; always afraid I would break her. With Jacob, I didn't have to worry about being gentle.

My ears perked up as I head footsteps coming down the stairs. Jacob could hear them as well because he had instantly tensed up. I concentrated; listening for thoughts other than Jacobs. I could her none.

"Bella…" I whispered roughly.

Jacob nodded once, and we pushed away from each other like magnets of the same charge.

I took on a defensive stance as I waited for the door to open. Jacob glared at the door, cursing Bella in his mind.

As soon as the door swung open, I snaked my arm around Bella's waist.

_That better be an act._

I nodded into her hair.

"Jacob," I could tell she was straining to keep her voice calm, "I think it's time for you to go."

Jacob narrowed his eyes in our direction. "I was just leaving."

_Meet me in the forest in ten minutes._

* * *

**Pairing:** Edward Cullen/Jacob Black 


End file.
